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Showering October 16, 2006

Posted by britishbullblog in General, Humourous.
2 comments

How to shower like a woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according to whites and coloureds. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

2. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more sit-ups.

4. Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.

6. Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.

7. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

8. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Shave armpits and legs.

9. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Tilex.

10. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

11. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.

How to shower like a man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed, leave in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom if you see wife along the way – shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound.

3. Look at manly physique in the mirror, admire size of knob and scratch your ass.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse it off.

6. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

7. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving four pubes stuck on the soap.

8. Shampoo hair. Make shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

9. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Partially dry off.

10. Fail to notice water on the floor. Admire knob size in mirror again. Leave shower door open, leave wet mat on the floor, leave light and fan on.

11. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise again.

12. Throw wet towel on bed.

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The world is getting bigger; your penis has to get bigger too. September 27, 2006

Posted by britishbullblog in Email Spam, General, Humourous.
1 comment so far

Received this as sp*m and it just made me laugh out loud. The stuff I usually get is so boring, but this one brightened up my sp*m folder no end!

Imagine if anyone actually ever read that and went ‘You know what they’re right, what can I do!’

Brilliant.

Weird news day? September 19, 2006

Posted by britishbullblog in General, Humourous, News and Current Affairs.
2 comments

Just looking through the paper this morning whilst listening to the radio on my MP3 player, and it just struck me as a weird news day.

I learn that undergraduates from one of the top universities in Britain have sent a helium balloon to the edge of space with a camera attached to it. That’s not too weird, but when the balloon burst, the camera floated all the way back down to Earth (over 20 miles) and landed a mere 7km from it’s original launch pad!

Earth

(Read more)

I then read that scientists have discovered a “walking” shark off the coast of Indonesia –

Walking Shark

(Read more)

Lastly, I then read that a man in Brazil can do this –

Popeyes

(Read more)

At least my commute was interesting!

Can you guess the celebrity? September 16, 2006

Posted by britishbullblog in Celebrity, Entertainment, General, Humourous.
2 comments

Can you guess who it is?

Answer…

(more…)

Do you have a showering routine? August 20, 2006

Posted by britishbullblog in General, Humourous, Personal, Questioning.
7 comments

I just realised that I have a really regimented shower routine. Is this normal?

I wash my hair, then my body (starting with my left arm, across to the right and then work down to my feet), completing with a scrub of the face.

I do it this way, EVERY time! Why?

Please, someone else tell me that they have a shower routine as well, or is it just me?!

Ever had a parking ticket? August 17, 2006

Posted by britishbullblog in General, Humourous.
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Well, I bet you wished that you had been living in Belgium at the time!

A new site has been set-up which allows anyone to buy old parking tickets. They then present these tickets to the authorities as ‘proof’, claiming that the warden ‘just didn’t see it!’

Genius.

I have to admit, I have on one occassion hung around a car park after being given a fine, in order to ask another motorist for their expired parking ticket. They gladly handed it over, and I saved myself £60! I only had to wait about 20 minutes!

Which character are you? August 10, 2006

Posted by britishbullblog in General, Humourous, Internet, Personal.
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Are you the farmer? No. You’re Presuming Ed!

Presuming Ed

Rama Rama. Harry Rama. Yes, that’s right your alter ego is a big, quiet man with a damn groovy hairstyle and this summarises the two sides of your personality. In some situations you can be quiet and retiring, preferring to observe rather than lead. However, this doesn’t mean you’re a wallflower (or in Presuming Ed’s case a wall tree); you may just be waiting for the right moment to say your piece. Within your close circle of friends you may be more confident, you may even be the centre of attention. Just make sure that unlike Ed you have something interesting to say and don’t keep repeating yourself! You may not realise it yet, but you have a spiritual edge that encourages you to try new experiences every now and then. However, just like Ed, it may be wise to consider the company you keep and the legality of these experiences before you dive into them with too much enthusiasm!

It couldn’t be more spot on!!

See which Withnail & I character you are by clicking here.

Should the heatwave return August 9, 2006

Posted by britishbullblog in General, Humourous.
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Those of us UK based will no doubt be aware that July was the hottest on record ever! I was flicking through a recent copy of The Observer Magazine when I came across this short article titled ‘The Rules The Heatwave’ –

#1 Remark on the heat to everyone. It’s really helpful.
#2 Mention global warming. That halps, too.
#3 People moan about feet and foreheads, but testicles are the worst affected.
#4 Pics of eggs frying on cars and kids in fountains will cheer you up.
#5 You can’t sleep, look good or queue above 26C.

So, should August see a return of the hot weather, just remember these five rules and we’ll all get along just fine.